Michele Leeder Smith with the canine members of the family, Alfie and Dolly. Photo: Tony Leeder Smith.
As part of our 12 days of what Christmas means to me series, we meet Michele and Tony Leeder Smith, who truly believe the more, the merrier.
Over the past 25 years, Horsley couple Michele and Tony Leeder Smith have never been certain of who will be at their Christmas table.
They are foster parents who over that period have looked after 40 children on short-term and permanent stays.
“Our first permanent foster child, who is now 32, will be with us this Christmas, and we’ll no doubt have phone calls and drop-ins from most of the others,” Michele says.
The decision to start fostering was prompted by a Barnados Australia advertisement, but Tony and Michele were no strangers to fostering.
“I grew up close to a Barnardos home in Weston-super-Mare near Somerset in England and I used to often play with the kids at the home,” Michele says.
“I realised early not all children were as lucky as myself.”
Michele met Tony while working at a UK gym where they got to know each other while leading foster children on walks for exercise.
After marrying and settling in Australia, they decided they wanted to become foster parents.
“We expected it to be both challenging and rewarding, so there were no nasty surprises,” Michele says.
Over the years, they have had six full-time foster children and more than 30 respite or crisis youngsters under their roof.
The couple is still fostering but they are now limiting it to respite and crisis cases.
As for Christmas, Michele says it has been many things but never dull.
“Christmas is always more fun with children, but it’s a little more complicated with foster children and it has to be navigated with care,” she says.
“We always tried to make it a two-way thing to help the kids appreciate not just receiving but also giving gifts.
“I would take them shopping with their pocket money to buy a present for Tony and he’d do the same for me, which the kids enjoyed.”
For Tony, one of his treasured gifts was a poster titled “You are my superhero”, and Michele produced a bear given to her by her first permanent foster child, and it still looks extraordinarily well kept after 21 years.
“We’ve had some memorable Christmases – one that comes to mind was the year we were looking after a gorgeous little boy aged five who was mad about superheroes,” Michele says.
Tony adds: “We gave him an Incredible Hulk suit, which made him light up when he saw it. He spent the whole day walking around in the suit, which came with gloves that were almost as big as he was.”
Michele says Christmas Day can also trigger some tears, particularly when separation from parents has been recent.
“It’s another reason you can’t overplay the Christmas joy, because it can intensify their sadness,” she says.
Michele and Tony believe fostering is a learning experience with patience and empathy at its heart.
“Each child is different but they all have trauma in their backgrounds, and it shows in different ways,” Michele says.
“Learning to stay calm when children, particularly teenagers, get upset is often difficult but it pays off.”
She and Tony have learned the time to discuss what upsets a child is when each side is calm and reasonable.
“All of our full-time foster children chose to go their own way at 18, but we’ve remained in their lives and helped them through some difficult times,” Michele says.
“And we are very proud of their accomplishments, both in the workforce and their personal lives.”
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