Letter from the Editor: The cost of dying is just as high as the cost of living these days

We’ve sadly had another death in our family this week – my husband’s eldest brother.

I really wish I could skip the whole month of August, it has too many memories of loved family members who are no longer with us, including a father, mother and sister.

Death is (usually) followed by a funeral and that raises the whole cost of dying – friends, it ain’t cheap. Just like a wedding, as soon as you add “death” to the cost of anything it seems to skyrocket.

The brother-in-law lived in country NSW, not in a tiny town but certainly not one the size of Wollongong.

He had been sick for some time and his wife could only work part-time, so they didn’t have money to throw around.

She suggested a basic cremation, tentatively asking if we’d mind a cardboard coffin to keep costs down, which we wholeheartedly embraced.

But after a visit to a funeral director, plans changed. There will be no service, no funeral announcement, no flowers, no order of service or nice visitors’ book. Instead, he will be cremated and his ashes returned to his widow, with plans for a get-together in his memory in a couple of weeks – at their home.

The cost? $5000. It’s bloody expensive coping with the cost of living, let alone the cost of dying.

A 2023 report by Australian Seniors, The Cost of Death 2.0, found Aussies pay around $18,600 for a basic burial funeral and about $6000 for a basic cremation funeral.

And apparently the cost depends on where you live – the $18,652 “basic” price tag was in metropolitan Melbourne. But if you live(d) in metro Perth, that drops to just over $11,500. And if you live in the regions it’s much cheaper – Victorians would “only” have to fork out $8591.

However, if you’re organising a “premium” burial funeral in Canberra, you can expect a bill of more than $22,000. That’s a small car.

Just like the cost of living, the cost of dying has been steadily increasing in recent years. Since the Australian Seniors’ research was first conducted in 2019, estimated funeral costs have increased by more than 20 per cent for burials and cremations.

In 2023, the average burial cost $11,039, compared to $9055 in 2019. The average cremation cost $8045 in 2023, compared to $6334 in 2019.

The report said this was due to the rising costs of funeral services – including embalming, viewing, transportation, and professional fees – along with the cost of coffins and burial plots.

Sadly, funeral finances often create tension among family members, adding more pressure to an already difficult time. The report found more than a third of respondents encountered arguments with loved ones over funeral finances.

Why should people feel guilty if they can’t afford all the bells and whistles to send off their loved one?

In the early days of Port Kembla-based Tender Funerals, I worked for a time with its founder Jenny Briscoe-Hough. The experience opened my eyes to the whole business of death and funerals and how there is no such thing as a “standard” funeral.

Tender’s reason for being is simple – it’s a not-for-profit funeral service that ensures people who are experiencing financial hardship/distress are still able to access personalised, meaningful and affordable funerals.

Tender believes every person is unique, and their funeral should reflect this. I discovered you don’t have to have a celebrant or minister to conduct a service and it can be held pretty much anywhere you want, including in your backyard.

You don’t have to have an expensive coffin – there are wooden, woven and cardboard caskets which can be personalised.

If you want to keep your dearly departed at home before farewelling them, you can.

In fact, if you feel up to it, it is legal and possible in NSW to do it all yourself. You can complete all necessary legal paperwork, care for and transport the body, build a coffin and hold the ceremony, and deliver the body for disposal.

Admittedly when faced with the death of a loved one, especially if it’s a sudden or unexpected death, most of us are happy to have someone take control – just not take over.

In an ideal world we would all have a prepaid funeral plan, but at the end of the day, the best thing we can do is have a conversation about how we want to leave this world.

Then all that’s left to do is shed some tears, have a few laughs and share special memories.

RIP Gary White, 1944-2024