Jody Dunning, with a portrait of her late daughter Jaime. Photo: Supplied.
Six years ago, Clifton mother Jody Dunning’s world changed forever when her daughter Jaime passed away unexpectedly at just 17.
What began as a solitary journey through grief has since evolved into a mission to help others who tread her path, as she prepares for the launch of Grief Australia’s first Compassionate Friends Wollongong gathering on 28 September.
Jody said Jaime was a light in her life who she watched struggle medically during her last 10 years as a child with a disability.
“She wasn’t expected to die, so it was a shock to us, but in saying that she did suffer quite a lot with ill health,” she said.
“I felt like I was going into battle pretty much every day, just trying to make her comfortable and get the health care she needed.”
When Jaime passed away, Jody had to navigate the overwhelming grief that followed.
“I was just winging it,” she said.
“It’s different for everybody, but it meant I was just staying within my own headspace and in my own home, not really communicating with too many people.”
Eventually, Jody sought clinical help and slowly began to find her footing again.
She said it was at this time she received a call from Sydney Children’s Hospital at Randwick, where Jaime received care, asking if she could offer support to another grieving mother.
This marked the beginning of Jody’s journey to help others in similar situations.
“She knows other people who’ve lost children, and so we’ve been networking and trying to introduce a little bit of light for people, because they’re not sure what the future holds,” she said.
Jody was then invited by a friend to a Compassionate Friends meeting in Sydney, where she was introduced to the impact the global peer support organisation was having on others.
With Kiama the only place in the Illawarra with gatherings, she recognised the need for a Wollongong branch for those who have experienced the loss of a child.
Jody said it was a long process to get it organised, due to navigating her own grief, but was now looking forward to being able to help others share their stories, connect with those in similar situations, and find some measure of comfort in their shared experiences.
“Unless you look for it yourself, and then pay for therapies, you’re pretty much on your own in that club that no-one else wants to join,” she said.
“That’s why being able to meet with people who openly share their experiences, and you openly share your experiences, you’re therefore lessening the burden.
“In the general community, it’s very difficult to talk about death or somebody passing away, especially if it’s your child.”
She said connecting with others on the same path through events like Compassionate Friends allowed them to normalise conversations around grief and loss.
“There’s only one person who’s going to understand what you’re going through, unfortunately, and that is somebody who’s been through it too,” she said.
“You feel like you’re in the right company when you’re with another person who feels or has felt similar to you.
“There is often real joy in sharing each other’s stories.
“I’ve never found any of the meetings to be anything other than inspiring.”
The first gathering will include a guest speaker from Grieve Australia discussing different strategies for coping with grief, and opportunities for members to connect.
She said from there, it would transform into a casual monthly coffee group.
“Primarily Compassionate Friends is designed for parents and then as an adjunct to that, therefore siblings and grandparents,” she said.
She said siblings, which could be anyone from children to adults, had a separate group, which was something she’d been aware of for her own two sons and daughter.
“Siblings are often the forgotten people in this story, because people would turn to the parents and say, ‘Are you OK?’ but very rarely does anyone pay much attention to how the siblings are coping, other than maybe the family,” she said.
Looking at a large portrait of Jaime on her wall, Jody reflects on the impact her daughter had on her life.
“She’s a light in my life that makes me happy,” she said.
“There’s not a minute ever that I don’t feel so much gratitude for having her in my life.
“She was a real inspiration to everybody, and I think there’s not too many parents of kids, certainly kids with disabilities, who wouldn’t say that.”
Compassionate Friends Wollongong gathering will be held 28 September from 10:30 am to 4:30 pm at the Illawarra Yacht Club, Warrawong. Bookings are essential by 21 September.
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