Missing in action … a simple thank you goes a long way. Photo: Fotodestock.
Something extremely valuable has gone missing and I want it back. I can’t put a dollar value on it and in fact, I think it might actually be invaluable.
I’m talking about good, old-fashioned manners that most of us were taught from the moment we could speak – saying please and thank you, behaving nicely in public – and at home – being punctual, respectful of others and these days, not having your head in a phone during a meal.
I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who thinks they’re missing in today’s world. There are actual schools which teach manners and etiquette in the modern age – it’s scary to think they are even needed.
Before I wrote this column I asked my team if it was just me getting older and grumpier, or did they also feel manners were lacking. Their response – and they’re all much younger than me – was instant and complete agreement.
Manners, etiquette, decorum – whatever you want to call it, it’s about having respect for your fellow man/woman/person/child. It’s respect for parents, for teachers, for authority and for everyone around us.
The American doyenne of etiquette Emily Post describes it: “Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use.”
Poor Miss Post would be rolling in her grave if she could see some of the poor manners on display today.
Are you the one who is always waiting for that perpetually late friend or family member to arrive? The first few times it’s a bit of a joke – “Tell them an hour earlier than they need to be there” – but after that it’s just plain rude.
Are you the nice kind of driver who allows that other car to merge into your lane, even though they could’ve done it looooong before their lane runs out? That’s annoying but what really sticks in my craw is when they can’t even be bothered to acknowledge your good manners. Rude.
Speaking of a wave, how bloody hard is it to offer a simple wave and maybe a smile? It really annoys me when I drive past a fellow resident, offer a friendly wave and don’t even get a nod in return.
The supermarket is another battleground for missing manners. We all know the shoppers who have no regard for others – the ones who abruptly stop in the middle of an aisle so they can peruse every packet of biscuits on the shelves, even though they just want the same biscuits they buy every week and no, they haven’t moved places since last week. Rude.
To all the checkout operators out there, please accept my apologies on behalf of the customers who believe it’s your fault that grocery prices keep going up so it’s only fair they treat you like dirt. So, so rude.
I understand and accept that society is constantly changing and things that were once considered essential manners are outdated.
Even a romantic dinner is no match for the lure of a mobile phone. Photo: YuriArcursPeopleimages.
You no longer need to keep a drawer full of pretty stationery and envelopes (and stamps if you were that organised) so you can write thank you notes for a gift. But you should at the very least thank the sender via a phone call or text. Especially if it’s your grandmother who sent money and worries it got lost in the mail if she doesn’t hear from you.
My darling husband still opens every door and waits for me to walk through. I don’t expect him to but I love that he does it. Respect.
The digital age has made communication easier and faster, but I think it’s also making us lazier and ruder. Feel like staying at home rather than going out with friends tonight? Easy, just send a one line text saying sorry, you’re not feeling well.
Don’t feel like talking to your mother when you see her name come up on your phone? Easy, click the “can I call you later” button so she thinks you’re tied up on a call.
Because we rely on our mobiles for everything, it’s a super easy excuse to say, “Damn, it must have been on silent”, or it “must have been out of range or out of charge, or ….”
Social media has managed to break most rules of good manners and no-one seems to know what to do about it. How many innocent, innocuous posts have you read that get hijacked by keyboard warriors who are just nasty people who have nothing better to do in life?
The almost constant use of technology means there is no respite or escape from the cyber terrorists who delight in bullying tactics which cause untold harm to innocent, mainly young people. Landlines were never the weapons of cruelty like social media.
Eating out is another landmine for missing manners and I’m sorry, but parents have to take a lot of the blame for this one. Screaming kids racing around playing chasies while you’re trying to enjoy a good meal and conversation is no-one’s idea of fun.
When we were kids our big treat was to go for a meal at Lismore Workers Club. Before we even stepped in the joint Mum would lay down the law about being on our best behaviour, not moving from our seats and speaking quietly. From then on, all Mum had to say when we were going out anywhere was, “Pretend you’re at the Workers Club”.
At the end of the day, it comes down to what is known as the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
I think that’s a pretty good rule to live by. Thank you for reading to the end.
Loading ...
