Shine a light at Wollongong memorial services for pregnancy and infant loss

This month, there is a remembrance day that receives little fanfare but is deeply felt by those who mark it.

Perhaps it’s because people who haven’t gone through it don’t know what to say.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day is on Tuesday, 15 October.

It marks a day of remembrance for those who have endured the pain of pregnancy loss and infant death, including miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS, ectopic pregnancy, termination for medical reasons, and the death of a newborn.

There will be two public events for families to commemorate their lost babies.

Remember Me – Illawarra Baby and Child Loss Support group will hold a walk this Saturday, 12 October, from Stuart Park to Flagstaff Hill.

The lighthouse will be lit up, and all are welcome to join.

Amanda Mayberry is the current president of the support group, which has helped families cope with the loss of a baby for the past 20 years.

“Baby loss is often surrounded by shame, guilt and taboo,” she said.

“The walk is an opportunity to get together and support families who have lost (a child) and a place for people to remember their babies in a public way.

“We have a ceremony at the end with the names of people’s babies called out. It can be really healing to hear their name, especially if you feel they’ve been forgotten.

“It doesn’t matter where you are in your loss journey – we had a grandma come once who had never said her baby’s name out loud.”

Wollongong Memorial Gardens will hold a special remembrance service alongside the Baby Memorial Garden within Wollongong Cemetery.

A Wollongong City Council spokesperson said, sadly, many babies were buried in Wollongong Cemetery from the 1930s to the late 1960s without records kept of the location of the grave sites.

The yearly memorial service came about to give these parents and family an opportunity to come together and honour and remember their babies, alongside the Memorial Garden dedicated to them.

A celebrant will conduct the small, intimate service and there will be an opportunity for attendees to lay carnation flowers at the Memorial Garden or individual sites if they are known.

Parents who know that their baby is buried in Wollongong Cemetery but cannot identify the actual site can place a bronze plaque in the Stillborn Memorial Garden to commemorate their baby. Everyone is welcome to attend the service.

Wollongong Lord Mayor Councillor Tania Brown said it was important people dealing with such grief were aware that there was love and support available.

“The pain of infant or pregnancy loss is unimaginable for many, but it is unfortunately more common than people might think and, as I know personally, it never goes away,” Cr Brown said.

“It is a fact acknowledged by Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, and remembrance sites like the Baby Memorial Garden at Wollongong Cemetery.

“We extend the invitation to the special memorial service to anyone dealing with this loss and let them know it is not something they need to suffer in silence or experience alone.”

It’s been nine years since Amanda lost her daughter.

She said a sense of togetherness often helped parents cope with the heartache.

“I can still recall that searing pain of those early days, weeks, months, year,” she said.

“Don’t be scared to feel the feelings.

“They are always going to be a piece of you, but more light shines in as you move further away.”

The walk will be held from 5pm on Saturday, 12 October, Tickets to the walk are available here.

If purchasing tickets on the night, please arrive from 4:45 pm.

The service will be held at the Baby Memorial Garden in the Wollongong Cemetery from 10:30 am to 11:30 am.