Bingo! You can be a winner on election night regardless of the outcome

For many of us voting is a necessary and mundane task, much like signing a gym membership form and ticking the box saying you’ve read the terms and conditions.

You do it on the understanding it’s going to result in nothing more than endless months of pain, frustration and financial loss.

So too is sitting down on the couch with your partner/family/friends on election night to watch the television coverage of the vote count, when in truth you’d much rather be watching the footy. Or Netflix.

You tell yourself it’s important to be engaged, just like you tell yourself your vote really counts. Yet the sad reality is the most impactful contribution you made during this election is the donation you gave the local Rotary club as you grabbed your democracy sausage.

Yet view it we must.

But never fear good voters, we here at Region have got your back.

Rather than aimlessly imprinting your bum cheeks on the couch on election night without reason, we are giving you an opportunity to actually look forward to it with our … 2025 Federal Election Night Bingo!

Yep, that’s right, grab your favourite beverage or snack of choice and settle in to watch six straight hours of Antony Green working his glorious magic on his gigantic touchscreen (not a metaphor).

Unlike many of our politicians, dear people of Australia, Region has your best interests at heart.

Now instead of pretending you are actually listening to the interviews and the speeches, you can be actively engaged in an endless search for weird outfits, well-known phrases, rogue politicians and awkward moments.

Our bingo will have you acutely attuned to the first shot of a Greens candidate in peak op-shop chic or Jacqui Lambie using a slang term only a Tasmanian would understand.

You will be glued to the screen awaiting a candidate being surrounded by a choir of supporters furiously nodding their agreement, while actually truly wondering what time the free bar tab will run out.

We will have you on edge awaiting someone on the screen making a random Melbourne Cup reference or a journalist missing their live cross cue.

This is not your normal bingo people.

If someone shouts out “two fat ladies” in real bingo it means it’s the number 88. If someone shouts “two fat ladies” during Election Night Bingo it probably means they are just being rude and you should choose better friends.

Region’s 2025 Election Night Bingo isn’t just a game – it’s your duty. The AEC has preferences, we have priorities. And those priorities include spotting Bob Katter’s hat or hearing a Donald Trump reference.

The rules for our Election Night Bingo?

Simple – cross off a square every time you see or hear one of the specified items – just like real bingo, only this one is Peter Dutton-approved for “work-from-home” use.

If you choose to make it a drinking game, like an elected member with a long night of debating ahead in Parliament House, drink responsibly.

Prizes?

Complete a row? Congratulations, you are now legally entitled to form your own micro party.

Complete a full card? Congratulations, you’ve just won preselection in a marginal seat. Good luck and Godspeed to you.

And when you complete a row or card, you don’t shout “bingo!”.

Oh, heck no. No, it’s not that simple.

To win you must shout “fair suck of the sausage” with all the passion of the late Bob Hawke sculling a beer at the cricket.

Bonus rule: if Clive Palmer appears in person, not just in ad form, the game ends immediately and you must retreat to your nearest secure underground bunker.

Warning: excessive use of Election Night Bingo may cause extreme smugness, mild intoxication and a dangerously improved understanding of how the Senate voting system works.

So go forth, brave viewers.

Stock the fridge.

Charge the remote.

Print your bingo card.

And light your lounge room like it’s a dimly lit RSL function room.

This is democracy in action.

*Authorised by Region, acting on behalf of the Party for the Preservation of Election Night Shenanigans. Endorsed by the United Federation of Couch Experts, Local 2025. All complaints and correspondence should be forwarded to Region on the back of a sausage-stained serviette.

Please download and print out our election bingo card and share your results on social media with #RegionElectionBingo.