Ugg boots are a top fashion item during Illawarra winters. Photo: @serbogachuk, Envato.
Welcome to winter in the Illawarra, where the houses turn into stylishly furnished eskies with Wi-Fi.
It all begins when your foot hits the kitchen floor of a morning and you’re immediately reminded that the tiles are colder than the look your husband gave you moments earlier when you denied being responsible for the doona ending up completely on your side.
Then you throw open the blinds to enjoy a beautiful crisp Illawarra morning — only to be greeted by window condensation so thick it looks like your house has been exhaling in its sleep. Visibility: zero. Mood: foggy.
Having endured winter in three houses in the region, my “extensive” investigation can confirm that Illawarra homes possess a special architectural gift — they repel heat.
This is coming from a heating expert, having spent my childhood in toasty old weatherboard farmhouses in Tasmania.
Now, you get to step inside my Illawarra reverse-thermos home, where the living room is colder than the carpark at Oak Flats train station at 6 am.
The problem is, Wollongong winters can’t commit.
When Tassie family stayed, they commented how one minute it’s arctic, the next minute kids are knee-deep in Fairy Creek without a care – or underpants.
I’d say they grow them tough in Tassie, except my own kids were splashing in the water too, and they’re well and truly acclimatised now.
Within an instant, the weather had changed again to the point we’d all collectively given up on fashion and Ugg boots became formalwear.
Speaking of fashion, there is a special breed of Illawarra folk who fear no forecast, wearing thongs, boardies, a Bonds singlet … and a puffer jacket.
He’s occasionally accompanied at the sidelines of a footy game by a woman donning her best Uggs and prized cheap knock-off of an Oodie with bare legs showing.
Then there’s the designer trench-coat breed who you might catch a glimpse of in moody Instagram photos of sea mist, as they pretend to be characters in a gritty British detective series.
The third lot, decked out in their finest lumberjack flannel, jeans … and high heeled boots, seem to find reasons to socialise outdoors around firepits with friends, toasting marshmallows as if they’re Bear Grylls and their life depends on it.
The good news is, comfort food season has arrived and it’s one thing Wollongong, Shellharbour and Kiama do well.
Whether it’s a steaming bowl of laksa, a wood-fired pizza, or a gravy-soaked meat pie so hot it sears your fingerprints off, winter is your permission slip to eat like a bushranger who’s just raided a bakery.
Pair that with a glass of red or a dark ale from one of the many micro breweries in the region, and you’re starting to wonder why you’re complaining about winter.
Until 4:15 pm rolls around and suddenly it’s dark outside and you forgot to get the washing in.
Naturally, that’s when Illawarra event organisers decide it’s the perfect time to schedule outdoor festivities, like vampires who’ve finally waited out the sun.
You’ll whinge all the way there about wanting to be home watching Netflix instead, but the second you smell a chip on a stick, you’ll quickly find your heart will be warmed.
Finally, the night ends where all winter tales do: at home, in a heated battle over the thermostat and how a certain person’s feet feel nothing like ice blocks.
Nothing says “love” like passive-aggressive sighing under a shared blanket.
So yes, winter in the Illawarra is cold and unpredictable — but between the hot soups, the confused winter fashion, and the silent battles over thermostat settings, it’s not half bad.
