Rachel Phillips didn’t get enough time with her baby Rosie, but the family still finds ways to honour her. Photo: Supplied.
Warning: This story includes content and images which may upset some readers.
The incomprehensible grief of losing a baby or child is an ongoing battle for families who are forced to live in a world which is forever changed, but through the pain a silly red nose can act as a beacon of hope.
Rachel Phillips has four beautiful children, but she had to say goodbye to her only daughter Rosie before the baby even had a chance to open her eyes.
“Even now when people go to me, ‘How many kids do you have’, my heart sinks,” Rachel said.
“Sometimes if you say four people say, ‘Oh my gosh, you’re a superwoman, how do you do it with four kids’, and then you almost have to justify that one has passed away.
“Or if you say three you don’t feel like you’re honouring her.”
In 2022, Rachel was admitted to hospital after her waters broke early and she knew her baby would be premature.
She spent three weeks in hospital, but was going well and due to be discharged for a short time to then return for an induction.
But just hours before leaving, Rachel received unimaginable news. Rosie had passed away.
“The night before I was due to be discharged I felt all these kicks and I was ready to meet her,” Rachel said.
“That morning I didn’t feel her kick as much so before the discharge I asked if they could just double check her and then she’d gone.
Rachel’s life was at a standstill.
“It changes everything, from your beliefs, your work, the way you parent, everything is different,” she said.
“And then still trying to parent your living children, still having all the normal expectations of preschool drop-offs, kids birthday parties, just random stuff while just trying to manage to survive.”
Rosie’s two older brothers got to spend some time with her before they said goodbye. Photo: Supplied.
At the start the grief was constant, now three years later she understands it a little more, but the moments of devastation are still just as crushing.
“Sometimes it’s predictable – May is always a hard one because that’s her birthday, it’s when we lost her, it’s Mother’s Day,” Rachel said.
“But then sometimes something comes around and it just gets you.
“You can’t do anything about it, you can’t take a tablet and it goes away, you kind of have to sit with it, connect with her and try your hardest to hold out until you get the lift a bit and then keep going.”
Rosie’s three brothers are deeply connected to her, and her parents have ensured that she is remembered and honoured within the family.
“Every night we say goodnight to her,” Rachel said. “I think it’s just bringing them up with her; we never stop speaking about her, we always include her. I’ll never have a family photo without the bunny in it or something to do with her.”
Despite family, friends and community support, Rachel knows how isolating losing a child can be, even years later, with some believing that because she had another baby after Rosie she got a ‘happy ending’.
By connecting with other parents who have suffered loss, Rachel was able to process her grief and find a way forward.
To provide that opportunity and support to others, she volunteered for the Red Nose Bereavement Support line.
“Connection helps me, I’m a people person and I think I just wanted to give back to the community,” she said.
“I’d like to pick it up more and just do it forever as an honour to Rosie.”
Possum Portraits allowed Rachel to have an image of all four of her children together. Photo: Supplied.
The bereavement hotline is one of many services Red Nose offers as part of its dual mission as a charity to save lives and support anyone affected by the death of a child.
Red Nose Australia CEO Amy Cooper said the organisation worked in prevention, education and research, which was focused on reducing rates of preventable pregnancy and baby loss.
“In our support space we support families impacted by pregnancy, baby or childhood loss more broadly,” she said.
It offers practical help to grieving families such as getting siblings to school, negotiating leave with work and supporting funeral arrangements, as well offering peer support and counselling sessions.
“We know the work is far from done,” Amy said. “Heartbreakingly, 3000 little lives are lost each year to stillbirth, neonatal death, SIDS and SUDI and other causes – that’s every day nine babies or young children are dying suddenly and unexpectedly in Australia and we know additionally one in four pregnancies end in miscarriage.”
Red Nose Day, on 28 August, encourages the community to “get silly for a serious cause” by donating, hosting an event, buying beanies, socks, or plush toys and sporting a red nose.
All money raised goes to vital work around prevention, education, research and supporting families.
It’s also a chance to raise awareness and start conversations with families who have experienced loss and to recognise the children who are no longer here.
“It gives you the opportunity to speak about them because they are our family and we need to talk about them,” Rachel said.
“That’s all you can do, honour their memory and keep their memory alive.”
To find out more about Red Nose Day or to donate visit the Red Nose website.
If you are in need of support contact Red Nose 24/7 Support Line at 1300 308 307, reach out online at [email protected] or visit the live chat at rednosegriefandloss.org.au/live-chat
