Back off, The Shire, Helensburgh is ours. Photo: Created by AI.
Confession time: having arrived in the Illawarra in 2018, I am a blow-in.
I’ve often wondered how long you have to have lived here to be considered otherwise and admit that at times, it has felt as though you need to be a fifth-generation Illawarrior to be considered a “true” citizen of our fair region.
But today, I might have found an answer.
I stumbled on a post from the Shire Starterpacks Facebook community group, with the title: THE SHIRE DEBATE: Do We Let Helensburgh In or Leave Them to the Illawarra?
It doesn’t take much to see that Shire Starterpacks Facebook is intended as a satirical page that seems to garner its clicks from silliness and rage baiting.
And faced with my incredulity, my non-blow-in colleagues wryly informed me that this whole “Should Helensburgh be part of The Shire” debate is not new.
Still, this post quickly attracted more than 100 comments.
In examining why, I think it probably starts with the galling use of the word “let” in this context, as though admittance into The Shire is a privilege bestowed by a council of people in the traffic-ridden, high rise-heavy fringes of Sydney’s sprawl.
At this point I should probably mention that as a former resident of The Shire, who even spent several nostalgic, rose-tinted months of maternity leave there wandering the many pretty parks with their firstborn, I believe I am in a position to comment.
The Sutherland Shire has its claims to fame — the sand and surf of Cronulla and the beauty of the Royal National Park spring to mind. To this day the best bacon and egg rolls I’ve had in my life came from the weekly farmer’s market and let’s not forget it’s the birthplace of the excellent White Horse Coffee.
But no horse in The Shire is high enough to justify the sheer audacity of suggesting that the beautiful old soul of Helensburgh is sitting in the waiting room, hat in hand, praying for a nod from just anyone who’ll have them.
And while the title “The Shire” might evoke images of a quaint and verdant hobbit dwelling, it’s perhaps better characterised by some of the replies to said Facebook post from actual residents of the ‘Burgh.
“I was born in ‘The Shire’ and I grew up in The Shire. When I was younger all I wanted to do was grow up, get married and raise a family in The Shire. I moved to Helensburgh 18 years ago, raised my family here and I love it here,” one read.
“Unfortunately The Shire I grew up in is no more. It’s overpopulated, the amount of units is crazy, the traffic is crazy, it can take almost an hour from Engadine to Cronulla on a hot summer’s day and don’t get me started on trying to get a parking spot at any of the beaches in Cronulla.
“I would much rather head south to the beautiful beaches from Stanwell Park onwards and the scenery is divine.”
A quick sentiment reading tells me Helensburgh has its gripes with the Illawarra – but in no way would it consider it a step up to be “accepted” into The Shire.
The pervading sentiment seems to be that rate-paying aside, Helensburgh’s identity is tied up in neither LGA, nor does it need to be, thank you very much.
But I’d be lying if I didn’t feel the need, when I saw that post, to snap my fan shut, clutch my pearls and remind The Shire that Helensburgh isn’t exactly standing at the border with a suitcase and a prayer.
It is the home to the magic of the glowworm tunnels. Home to a major NSW tourism attraction, Symbio Wildlife Park. Home to Sri Venkateswara Temple which, quick fact check for Shire Starterpacks, is a Hindu temple and not “a random Buddhist temple” (I am hoping that was part of the satire and not a “meh, same diff” moment).
And to conclude this rant on a positive (or at least, hopeful) note, I circle back to my original thought – does my indignant bristling at a random Facebook post indicate a sense of ownership and pride? Maybe that’s the signal I’ve been looking for to kiss the blow-in title goodbye.
