Illawarriors love a good beach, but what does your favourite spot reveal about you?

It is often said that you can tell a lot about a person by the company they keep, but in the Illawarra the one truism is that you can tell a lot about the person by the beach they frequent.

The people of the Illawarra are a sub species of human who love a good beach, whether that be engaging in the many recreational pursuits offered by them or simply admiring the view while imbibing the blood of a coffee seed carefully drained at their favourite local cafe (which we are equally tribal about).

It’s almost time to hibernate until spring but before you pack the towel and budgie smugglers or the “only legal in Europe” bikini and head out the door, check out our guide as to what your beach of choice says about you …

Austinmer

You are the human version of a drone shot. You brunch in linen, do yoga occasionally (or say you do), and think every flat surface is a potential picnic spot. You say you go for the vibe, not the crowd – but you are the crowd. Your beach umbrella cost more than most people’s weekly groceries.

Thirroul

You are effortlessly cool. You say you love “the community feel” of your beach but lose the absolute proverbial when you can’t find a park within 1 km of it. You have a favourite ocean pool and sourdough bakery. You are either an artist or barista or dating one. You’ve often toyed with the idea of moving to Byron.

Bulli

You don’t muck around and know all the best local shortcuts. You bring your own snacks and don’t care for “the ‘Gram”. You have strong feelings about the exact sand-to-towel ratio. You’ve helped push someone out of the carpark at least once. Unlike most others, you are not here to pose. You are here for the water.

Woonona

You surf. Or at least you want people to think you do. You own a surfboard that has only touched water twice but looks really good on your roof racks. You claim the ocean is your “second home” but your Google history shows you’ve regularly searched “how to spot a rip”.

North Wollongong

You love acai bowls, active wear and running into ex partners. You walk the Blue Mile for “fitness” but really, it’s just an excuse to check everyone else out and eavesdrop on their conservations. Oh, and to get coffee. You absolutely own a KeepCup but you always forget to bring it. You have at least three “ocean dip” selfies in your overpopulated Instagram page.

Port Kembla

You are low-key edgy and don’t mind cold swims with the alluring aroma of sewage being processed invading your senses on occasion. You can often be heard remarking “I am so over North Gong”. Your Spotify playlist includes both ambient techno and angry indie rock. You claim the best coffee in the Illawarra is “this little place in Warrawong you’ve probably never heard of”.

Shellharbour South Beach/The Farm

You have a well-worn pair of reef shoes, a rarely used GoPro and an unreasonably strong opinion on where to get the best fish and chips. You like a beach with options, mainly picnic perfect grass and a carpark that doesn’t look like Istanbul at peak hour. You like your coffee served from the back of a coffee cart.

Kiama Surf Beach

You are a hopeless romantic who thinks every wave is an opportunity for reflection … or at the very least a new profile pic. You are deeply committed to using the word “vibes” unironically. You’ve taken at least one spontaneous detour to the Blowhole and posted about it with a caption like, “Decided to let off some steam”. You own a wide-brimmed hat and cheese knife.

Minnamurra River

You are outdoorsy but possess a wild streak. You have been known to say, “Let’s go for a quick paddle” only for it to turn into a 12 km kayak. More than likely you own a drone or a hammock. Or both.

Jones Beach (Kiama Downs)

You are fiercely local if not territorial. You are often overheard exclaiming, “It’s better than any of the other beaches in Kiama”. You like your surf like you like your bedroom antics … rough. You are either training for something or recovering from something. Your dog is fitter than most people.

Bombo Beach

You are intense. Your mood is reflected by the black rock cliffs and the big waves. You absolutely have at least one photo on your Instagram of you looking off moodily into the distance. Bonus points if you’ve ever said, “I just needed to clear my head”.

Gerroa/Gerringong

You are a calm, soft-sand soul. You like your beaches big, long and flat, perfect for barefoot walks where you can totally overthink each and every aspect of your life. You absolutely have done yoga on a beach. You have thought about buying a SUP. And you have a prized collection of “driftwood which looks like dogs” at your home.

Culburra/Seven Mile/Shoalhaven beaches

You are a summer holiday purist. You pack your car like you are playing Tetris. You head south “to escape the crowds” but secretly miss the chaos and amenities. You like a long lazy beach that stretches forever preferably with dolphins and no phone reception. You own a collapsible beach trolley but bore people senseless espousing their benefits.

So, in closing, remember the Illawarra coastline is big enough for all of us and our emotional baggage.

Just be kind, don’t steal anyone’s carpark or talk loudly on speaker phone and we will all get along just fine.