Jelena Dokic and attendees at her IWIB talk. Photos: NEG Photography.
CONTENT WARNING: This article contains references to family violence and mental ill health.
She’s a former world number four tennis player, grand slam singles semi-finalist, commentator, presenter, speaker, two-times best-selling author and the subject of a number one and Logie-winning documentary.
But Jelena Dokic has no trouble singling out her life’s greatest triumph.
“‘Don’t you dare say anything to anyone, or I will kill you’. Those were the words repeated to me pretty much daily by my father,” Dokic opened with to a captivated audience at the Illawarra Women in Business (IWIB) November lunch.
“I was taught, trained and raised to stay silent. But in silence, darkness thrives.
“My biggest highlight and achievement was finding my voice through sharing my story. Why? Because it literally saved my life.”
Dokic’s story follows her journey from victim to survivor and, most importantly, thriver.
Born in 1983 in the part of Yugoslavia that is now Croatia, she started her tennis journey at age six. She recalled watching tennis rivals Monica Seles and Steffi Graf in the French Open semifinal.
“The very next day, my father just showed up at home with a tennis racket bigger than me,” she said. “And the rest is history.”
The giant racket clutched in her little hands, Dokic had her first lesson the next day — the start of a love story between her and the sport that allowed her to lean not only into what emerged as natural ability, but her competitive nature.
But something else came with it.
“Right after my very first tennis lesson, my father slapped me around, he pulled my hair and pulled my ears,” she said.
“I was in shock, I was in tears … He had never laid a hand on me before this. Something changed in that moment.”
Dokic went on to win tournaments, but at home, the physical, emotional, psychological and financial abuse escalated.
Outside of tennis, she faced other adversities. She was a refugee twice. First, at age eight, when conflict forced her family into neighbouring Serbia overnight, to a life of tough conditions.
“We were in an infested shed, there was no heating, limited water. We were lucky if we had bread to eat,” she said. “I saw my first dead body when I was eight.”
Three years later, refugees again, Dokic’s family came to Australia.
While the land girt by sea felt like home, it came with a massive cultural shock.
“I didn’t speak a word in English. I was bullied at school and in the tennis community and constantly told to go back where I came from,” Dokic said. “But despite all this, I had a massive passion for both tennis, for life, to keep pushing through.”
This determination made her junior world number one at 15, grand slam singles semifinalist at 17, grand slam doubles finalist at 18 and world number four at 19.
It was at this time that, during a tennis tournament and fearing for her life, Dokic left home in the middle of the night.
Despite ongoing and now public abuse from her father, Dokic maintained a position in the top five and top 10 for the next few years. But her past had taken a toll, and anxiety, depression, PTSD and an eating disorder took hold.
After a tennis hiatus, Dokic came back with some great results, before injury and mental ill health led to an early retirement from the sport she loved.
That’s when she was asked to share her story in a book.
Just over a year later Dokic’s first book Unbreakable opened with a summary of her purpose: if her story helps just one person in some way, “it’s mission accomplished”.
“But to be able to do that, I had to be 100 per cent honest about my story, something I never spoke about to anyone, let alone publicly,” she said. “And I had to be completely honest about my mental health struggles.”
The day her raw and honest book was released was “by far the best day” of her life.
“I was finally free,” she said. “I was not silenced for the first time in my life in 35 years. I reclaimed my life and my voice, and I could actually start healing and living.”
While Unbreakable is about survival, Dokic’s second book Fearless (2023) is about thriving in the aftermath.
Today, she uses her voice to call out injustice, advocate for change and help normalise conversations around important issues in sport and society, including child abuse, domestic violence and mental health.
Her IWIB address was a shattering of the myth of perfection, an exploration of the power of vulnerability, a call for validation from within and a rallying cry.
“The words themselves say it all: ‘self’ worth. It’s not a group decision. It’s not up for discussion. If you’re worthy, if you’re enough. If you’re capable of going after something, you decide that,” she said.
“You can fall one million times — as long as you get back up a million and one, that’s all that matters.”
If you or someone you know is impacted by family and domestic violence, support is available:
- Lifeline 13 11 14; Men’s Referral Service 1300 776 491; Kids Helpline 1800 551 800; beyondblue 1300 224 636; 1800-RESPECT 1800 737 732.
