Helping loved ones with addiction and dysfunction might start with helping yourself. Photo: Kobus Louw.
An Illawarra counsellor has designed a new program that empowers people to help their loved ones tackle addiction and other dysfunctional patterns in their lives.
The “Families Unite – Breaking the cycle of addiction” program is the brainchild of Rainbow Shiva – the region’s only “Root Cause Therapy” and Embodied Processing practitioner and the owner of Walk and Talk with Rainbow.
The program combines these specialised therapy styles with the wisdom of her lived experience.
“When I decided to become a councillor one of my first thoughts was that if I could help someone like myself not go through what I went through, it’s a win,” she says.
“I experienced relationship breakdowns at home, with a troubled teenager and a marriage that fell apart due to addiction and mental illness. There are so many things I wish I had known when I was tackling those challenges, but there’s a big lack of support in the area.”
When a friend of hers recently discussed staging an intervention for a sister who was battling with addiction, Rainbow got to work designing the program.
Families Unite takes families through five topics, with a ‘psycho-educational’ approach focused on the family members rather than the loved one they hope to help.
It starts with establishing the goal.
“We ask the big question, ‘What do you want?’. The idea is to get everyone on the same page because generally they’re not,” she says. “A lot of the time I have to explain to families that this isn’t about giving their loved ones ultimatums or assigning blame, but approaching it from a place of love.”
Family members learn about addiction and trauma, and how it affects the body and brain.
“We’re better placed to tackle it when we’re informed,” Rainbow says.
Learning how to speak to one another is a key factor in long-term success, which is why the program also covers communication, setting boundaries and how to write a “good” intervention letter.
“We all have different default styles of communicating with our loved ones, whether it be aggressive, assertive, passive or passive aggressive. When a family has reached the point that they’re coming to me, it generally indicates their communication styles aren’t working,” Rainbow says.
“Many don’t know, for example, how to switch to an assertive voice, and they’re frustrated, tired and angry to the point that it doesn’t take much to set them off.”
Rainbow is the region’s only “Root Cause Therapy” and Embodied Processing practitioner. Photo: Walk and Talk with Rainbow.
Rainbow also covers the “roles” family members play in perpetuating harmful cycles.
“When we’ve had long-term dysfunction, we all tend to fall into ‘family roles’ – the addict, the enabler, the scapegoat, the hero, the enforcer. We may have formed co-dependencies and not even realised,” she says.
“At that stage I’ll quite often find that one, two or all family members have their own trauma, and it’s important to learn about the impact of that on the nervous system and to work on our own trauma response and triggers.”
This is where Rainbow’s specialties of root cause therapy and embodied processing can play a role in helping to break the cycle.
“Elements of these roles we fall into can and should change, but the families need to do the work if they want to help their loved ones, because it’s not really about the drugs – it’s never really about the drugs,” Rainbow says.
Families are informed of options for helping their loved ones break the cycle of addiction including rehabilitation, support groups and community outpatient programs, before they stage their interventions, which can take place with or without Rainbow in the room.
Or, if all goes to plan, there may be no need for an intervention at all.
“This program is for people who don’t know where else to turn, because whatever they’re doing at home isn’t working,” Rainbow says.
“My goal with each family is to erase the need to do an intervention, because along the journey they have all changed, established boundaries and adjusted the way they speak to each other. The changes act as a circuit breaker. That’s the win we’re after.”
The ‘Families Unite – Breaking the cycle of addiction’ program can be conducted in person or via Zoom – learn more at Walk and Talk With Rainbow.
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