The dads and their kids who have taken part in the initial Dad Gather meetups happening in the Illawarra. Photo: Supplied.
When Fairy Meadow dad Paul Liddell put up a simple call-out on Facebook to form a dads group in January, he was just hoping one other father might show up.
Instead, a dozen dads pushing prams arrived at a park in Woonona for what became the first meetup of Dad Gather, a grassroots group helping fathers connect, share their struggles and support each other through the realities of parenting.
“I was just praying one dad would turn up,” Paul said.
“One dad did turn up, and then out of the blue, a dozen more dads in prams all turned up.
“That showed me the need that was there.”
Paul, who has two children aged five and seven, said the idea for Dad Gather grew out of his own experience of finding parenting unexpectedly hard, despite taking parental leave.
“I found parenting difficult, especially in the younger years,” he said.
“It’s more so about yourself and how you react to those situations.
“It’s about being grounded, having a solid frame and being that rock to your kids, not the other way around.”
Feeling there was little guidance for adults on how to be parents, Paul began investing in his own growth, completing parenting courses, fathers’ programs, and men’s leadership training.
“You can do courses till the cows come home, but the most beautiful thing was hearing other people share,” he said.
“That’s where the real beauty of this is.”
Beyond the courses, he found most fathering programs and groups were too research-led and structured, or weren’t accessible or consistent.
It wasn’t until late January, when he noticed a dad in Sydney had started a walking group, that it prompted him to launch the first Illawarra meetup.
It now typically draws 15 dads plus children to each in-person meetup, while the private Dad Gather Facebook group has already grown to more than 215 members in under two months.
“Dads are sharing their wins and their struggles in the group,” Paul said.
A recent poll in the group asking, “What’s the hardest thing about being a dad?” drew nearly 40 responses.
“The hardest thing about being a dad, the number one result, was making time for myself,” he said.
“It was losing themselves in work and trying to manage a family, while trying to have just a little bit of me time.”
He believed Dad Gather’s success was in its simplicity, consistency and ability for dads to share with fellow dads.
Each meetup follows the same formula – meet at a cafe, grab coffee, walk to a nearby park, and let the kids play while dads talk, or simply be present with their children.
“The beauty of that is for people with young kids, it’s hard to get out the door,” he said.
“If it was a dads’ walking group, you have to get there at a specific time, otherwise you miss out.
“With this, they can just turn up whenever. I had a dad turn up when the whole event was over … We had a chat and I said, ‘I’m just so glad you even tried.’”
He said it was now pleasing to see the group growing beyond his own efforts.
“If we use the plant analogy, I planted the seed, watered it a bit, but now the dads are helping it grow,” he said.
Paul said members were organising side events, including a board game and card afternoon in a park, and a “beer and braid” night, where someone will teach dads how to braid hair.
He said he had received dozens of messages from mums writing on behalf of their husbands or partners who were scared or nervous about attending.
“I’ve got empathy for that, but I also don’t want their partners or wives to have to do things on their behalf,” he said.
“It’s not about them specifically – it’s about their kid and their partner and giving the mother some space.
“Even if it’s only for a couple of hours, I know it’s deeply appreciated and it’s creating a really big impact.”
He said the group’s impact was being noticed, with contact from a health worker who had observed an increase in dads with depression, PhD researchers at the University of Wollongong, businesses offering support and a Wollongong City Council grant.
Ultimately, Paul hopes Dad Gather can contribute to a cultural shift in how men connect and talk about fatherhood.
“We want to have a really simple formula where dads meet at a park or cafe, they hang out and do life together, they make new mates, and they are there to support each other,” he said.
“Then we change the culture for men to move away from what was, into something that’s very healthy – still very masculine, but just in a really healthy way,” he said.
“If we have dads with good mental health and good community, everyone wins.”
Meetings rotate through northern Illawarra suburbs and are open to dads at different stages of fatherhood and all father figures.
The fourth Dad Gather meetup is on Saturday 28 March at 7:30 am in East Corrimal. Details are in the Dad Gather Facebook group.
